Well, this used to be my (hilarious) joke at school while I made sandwiches/smoothies and craved cheese on Fridays. I don't actually have any cheese in the house and I've got no friends, let alone a willing feller, 'round these parts. On the other hand, I will have pizza tonight and I'm still reading the 18th century (seriously, did they EVER get dressed?) so I think the sentiment holds.
Well, I am done with my first week of Submissions Reading, Photocopying, Filing, and Reviewing Kid's Music.
(I can't tie my shoes
I can't tie my shoes
How do grown-ups do it
when it just gives me the blues?
Oh, I'm never so confused
as when I try to tie my shoes.)
I made it through a good 15 "humor" submissions and an enormous stack of ~50 or so January submissions that were sent back from a first reader who quit unexpectedly without sifting through the Crazies. I got to sift through the crazies. A few notes, for anyone considering submitting to a magazine, or, really, anywhere.
1. Loser Boy is sad because Pretty Girl is pretty and Loser Boy does not know how to talk to her. Luckily, Substitute teacher, who is a little bit like Loser Boy because he is like a Loser Teacher and the kids make fun of him, gives Loser Boy 4 paragraphs of life lessons and lots of Perspective. Loser Boy sees the light, recognizes that he will have lots of Regret if he does not talk to Pretty Girl NOW. Talks to Pretty girl. THIS IS NOT HUMOR.
2. Loser Boy #2 does not like sports. Dad likes sports. Dad makes Loser Boy #2 do sports. Loser Boy #2 does not want to do sports. Dad says without sports, will send kid to "Athletic School." Loser Kid #2 sees the light, does sports. THIS IS ALSO NOT HUMOR.
3. People expect to be faced with lots of Rich Infidels in Africa. Instead, find Semi-Human Faceless People, surrounded by Goldfish that Fly. Yeah, I don't even know. This was not a humor submission. I could not even finish it.
4. You cannot stop me from sending you a rejection, I'm sorry. You cannot stop me from sending you a rejection, not even if you
a) include a self-addressed stamped envelope that does not seal (newsflash: we own tape)
b) include an SASE that is empty and sealed (really?)
c) fail to include an SASE
I understand. I understand that humor is hard, and writing is hard. And writing for kids is really hard. I would not attempt it. It is just that "humor" does not mean "nothing terrible happens." All I ask, all I ask is for one chortle. A small one. How about a snicker?
***
Well, I am still on my mother's computer, which has deleted this post once and a half. Best Buy still hasn't called to update me on McGillicudy's transplant (new screen!) Speaking of people who have not called to update my on things, still no word on blood tests. Called nurse today, was politely informed that she is not in on Tuesdays and Fridays.
It's interesting to check out other lupus blogs, by the way. There's the official blog of the lupus foundation at Their Official Site; they have a long list of other blogs on the side. The thing that's always been a problem on my end is hardly any people my age write (an exception). Even those few who do, though, tend to be lupus n00bs. I am a veteran. Lupus and I have passed our tin? bronze? anniversary (what's 10 years?) which is actually longer than most of the adult-bloggers have had it, too.
So I try to make it interesting for any potential blog-followers, but I forget that what is totally un-novel to me is novel to normal people or even Lupie n00bs.
However, in case you were wondering, those IV machines? Fantastic scooters.
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